I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is Oprah even human
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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