Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
