apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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