i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
