i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
