mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
