I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
