Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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