you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
