Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
