its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Walk of Shame today included voting.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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