my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
