We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
