So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
