Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
