I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I need a beard to bite.
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