i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
