New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Randomize
