i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
