The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
