Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
