The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
