good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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