A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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