he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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