Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My bed smells like the plague
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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