She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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