how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
