I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
