kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
