I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
