I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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