umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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