Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
