Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
