Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
