I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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