I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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