I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How's work?
Spinning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
