I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
