I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
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Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
how drunk are you?
Several
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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