Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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