Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The ass gains better be worth it
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