I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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