Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I AM VODKA MAN
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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