Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
