He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
