Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
