I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
