It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
COCAINE IS GR8
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
