Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
