The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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