So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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