He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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