Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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