You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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