No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
