Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
