Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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