oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
