Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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