Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The best revenge is premature balding
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
