I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I can text with my tongue
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
