and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
