"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
