If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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