his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
