Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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