I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
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I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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