Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
