I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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