Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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