Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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