I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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