Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
