Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
