I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
