You smell like stripper and shame
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
