Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
