I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
