I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
