just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
