I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Pooping to opera.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
