don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
