Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize