Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
