You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
