Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
