At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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