Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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