ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
